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I had myself a little trip to hospital yesterday. Not a fun time for anyone, hospital visits. But in yesterday’s case, I think the nursing staff went out of their way to make me feel as comfortable and as stress free as possible. They really cared for me. Compassionate and understanding. Caring and considerate. Bless them.

See, they had to stuff a tube right down my throat and root around in the huge pit of emptiness they call my stomach (I had to fast for twelve hours). So I was hungry and scared. But they made me feel cared for. Professionally looked after, and comforted.

So I really should name check all the lovely thoughtful people I ran into. But the truth is, there were just so many, that if I started (and missed a few out) I might just insult the very people I’m trying to say “thank you” to. Which is completely the opposite goal of my Blog today.  I feel fantastic! The polar opposite of how I felt beforehand

Funny thing, nerves. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you to stay strong, or how firmly they tell you “it’s nothing to be scared of”. There’s always that nagging self doubt, or that niggling memory of the headline where somebody died under anaesthetic: during a ‘routine procedure’. In fact, my own dad passed away like that. After all the major surgery he’d had done in his life, his final breath expired from his body during an exploratory operation that he’d asked them to do. But at least he wasn’t scared when they put him under. No. My old man was cracking jokes and flirting with the nurses. Showing off his scars and practicing his magic tricks.

Same as I did yesterday!

But that’s the thing about nerves, and nervous tensions. They’re uncontrollable at times. It’s only when you look back afterwards you can see just how unnecessary they were. And in my case, I feel terrific today. Like I did something good. Conquered something I had little control over.  Achieved something special, which in fact, I actually did.

Because now I know I have no obvious cancerous tumours inside my stomach sac. They can rule that out of their investigations and move on down the list of things it definitely isn’t. Which is a huge weight off my mind. And as they tick off all the things that is isn’t, it will eventually leave them with a name for whatever it IS. And the BIG ONE is gone now. So we’re looking at something that’s not going to take too invasive a procedure.

None of which is what I wanted to write about today (but if it’s on my mind, I’ll type it out). And the fact that I’m typing proves I’m over the meningitis and bad stuff of yesteryear.

Oh yes.

They said I’d probably never work again (I still take medication for the encephalitis that came along with the brain bug). But here I am, hammering out words of a morning and working on XMG stuff in the afternoon. Knocking down barriers and ticking off the personal goals. All of which gives me a sense of achievement.  In the same way that getting through yesterday’s ‘upper gastrointestinal endoscopy’ did.

I feel human once again.

So then, on with my day.

As the late, great Bob Marley once said: “You’ll never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”


Or as my old boxing coach used to say “You don’t WIN respect, you EARN IT…”



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